July 2010
1 post
1 tag
The BRA
Just a week into my sophomore year of college and I was already crushing out so hard on this dude who lived down the hall from me in my dorm. He was a freshman, tall, large, fit, on the rowing team, VERY hairy (think: back hair—I cringe now) and probably about the manliest dude I’ve ever found myself lusting after. His name was Dave, but there were already so many other Daves in my...
May 2010
2 posts
1 tag
IT'S DISAPPEARING INK!
My father and stepmother are both management at a large, well-known business newspaper in New York City. My mother and stepfather are both tenured opera singers at a large, well-known opera house in New York City. As a child, I was predictably bouncing between two very different worlds with very different rules, inhabited by very different kinds of people.
One night, my father had a dinner...
3 tags
YOU'RE SPEAKING BRITISH and I'M SPEAKING AMERICAN
1. On my first visit to the UK, in roughly 1997, my parents and I went to Kew Gardens (not THAT Kew Gardens). There was a class of 7-to-8 year-olds there as well. In the gift shop, I heard a small voice say, “I got a very fine rubber!” After a triple take, I realized that the kid was holding up an eraser. I breathed a sigh of relief. 2. On my second visit, circa 2000, I was hanging out...
April 2010
3 posts
1 tag
SUNFISH
Have you ever seen sunfish? They look like this:
You are probably just dying to learn more about them.
When I was a kid, we would occasionally go visit my great aunt and uncle’s summer house in Connecticut. It was near a lake that was stocked full of these motherfuckers. One day, when I was about 8 years old, my uncle and I went down to the water to catch some.
We brought some...
1 tag
"OH. YOU'SE a LADY!"
There is this guy who hangs out on my street. I don’t want to call him a bum, because he has a home. Or at least I think he has a home (I theorize that he stays with some relatives of his, who are my next door neighbors). But I digress. My girlfriend tells me that being a bum is not the same thing as being homeless, so let me start over.
There is this bum who hangs out on my street. He...
1 tag
LOCKED OUT and LOCKED IN in HARRISON, NJ
I graduated in 2005 from a Midwestern college that considers itself very sophisticated. I hung around the town, drinking too much and occasionally smoking, for a year and a half. I worked a few weird jobs and lived in a small apartment in a pretty house with my boyfriend and my cat. Life was good, until it all just got so boring.
In 2006, my then-boyfriend (let’s call him Brad) and I...